Teneale's Story

Teneale experienced abuse from the father of her child, during and after a 13 year relationship.

Can you describe who your abuser was and how the abuse began?

The father of one of my children over a period of nearly a decade, slowly broke me down with his verbal, emotional and mental abuse. Ending a 13 year relationship with nothing but hate, guilt and worthlessness opinions of myself. I started the relationship being a vibrant, confident easy-going woman. The abuse didn't start straight away, but in hindsight the minute we moved in together.

Please share more about your situation, if you are comfortable.

I started making excuses for him and for why I couldn't be me. Over years of accepting his abuse, there were occasional rapes, but at the time I told myself it was "what I deserved", or "the least I could do to repay how good he was to me" (this I know now is absolutely wrong and 💩 and definitely not OK).

At the time I had no other reason to feel anything but loved and needed and worthy. But to be honest deep down I knew I was none of this to him, but just had lost so much of myself life seemed it was as good as it would get and that I was getting what I deserved. My mindset changed when his brother stayed with us and questioned me when I started taking his shit and being OK... Why hadn't I put him I his place etc and at the time I didn't even realize my partner was treating me badly. I had always thought his brother to be sexist and not respectful of woman, so this was a shock to me.

My support network tried to tell me on MANY occasions what he was doing and how he was treating me, but I was blinded until I wasn't. Once I'd decided to leave there was no hesitations from my network. I thankfully had quite an underhand reassuring police officer that what I had been through although not physical abuse is still VERY much domestic violence and NOT OK.

After we separated, his spiteful, narcissistic ways resulted in me having to make a report to the police as I was receiving up to 30 msgs a day of why I shouldn't exist or how no one else would love or be with me and that I was a baby killer, (being that I terminated a pregnancy he did not want me to proceed with and at the time gave very valid reasons). He also would stalk me or my home and made me start to think I was actually losing my mind. My cars clutch failed, giving me minimal options for transport w 2 kids, except asking him or public transport. Only to find out after repair that there was no way it could've happened from wear and tear and was definitely damaged on purpose.

What is life like now that you have gotten out of the abusive situation? How has it become better?

Life has and is a daily battle, that sadly I don't think will ever be 100 % me again BUT I've learnt so much and the biggest lesson is... It was never MY fault for his abuse or behavior.

What else would you like to say to any women reading your story who are currently experiencing domestic abuse?

You are not alone no matter how lonely you feel. There is most definitely someone who is or has been EXACTLY where you are, feeling the EXACT same way. If you think you just can't do it, trust me YOU CAN and if you think you or your kids deserve better YOU DO, THEY DO. There will ALWAYS be someone in your corner, if you reach out.