Lindsey's Story

Lindsey is currently working on divorcing her abuser - her husband of 15 years and father of her children.

Can you describe who your abuser was and how the abuse began?

My abuser is/was my husband. We are currently still married and going through a divorce. We have been married for 15 years, together for over 16. He is an extremely controlling, narcissistic, and the mental/emotional abuser type. Nothing is ever his fault, of course. He never is responsible for ANYTHING. He holds endless double standards. Of course what’s not ok for me, is ok for him. The abuse probably began about 5 years into our marriage with verbal abuse and negative talk to my child, his step-son. There was also some sexual abuse that began around 2012, 7 years into our relationship.

Please share more about your situation, if you are comfortable.

Most of it is pretty sensitive to talk about when it comes to the sexual portion, however, I can say he was very verbally, emotionally, and sexually abusive. He indirectly was physical, if you can understand that. (Example: slamming brakes while pregnant, smashing egg on me, peeing on me resulting in jail time.) Some of my children resulted from spousal rape. No doesn’t mean no to him.

The last incident was in July this year in which he had me cornered in our bathroom. He would not stop when I asked him to. He even wanted to offer me money to give him pleasure. After 5 minutes of hell, I freed myself from the bedroom and didn’t go back in there again while he was home. I tried getting an injunction on him, but ended up in the hospital ER with one of our children who was struggling to breathe on the hearing date. I tried to explain this to the court and it didn’t matter to them. I turned in the hospital paperwork and it still didn’t effect the outcome.

I felt trapped because I had a part-time job. I actually had no job from the time we met to about 2010. He didn’t like me working. He said my place is at home. I felt defeated when he took my money when I finally did make an income. I felt like I was stuck forever and I felt like this is what I deserved. I was scared to seek help and didn’t think anyone would believe me. It was exhausting and draining day to day not knowing what to expect from him. I was always tired, physically and mentally. I felt all the emotions! In 2019, DCF got involved and through a program, I met a lady who I slowly opened up to. She helped me a lot in the way I felt about myself and what I truly deserved. I am forever grateful for her. She helped make sure I had everything I needed to get out of this situation.

Another huge part of my story is the abuse he does to some of the children. My oldest was removed from the home in 2013. He is now 17 years old and still haunted by the trauma to him. And I am not super involved in his life due to my “husband” controlling when I got to see him. He would also always put me down for wanting to spend time with him and not the ones who we lived with. He would tell me, “He chose to leave so love the ones you have. They love you. They need you” I am slowly getting away from this and I already feel much freedom knowing the divorce will be final very soon!

In 2019, DCF got involved and through a program, I met a lady who I slowly opened up to. She helped me a lot in the way I felt about myself and what I truly deserved. I am forever grateful for her. She helped make sure I had everything I needed to get out of this situation.

My church family always prayed and helped. They would take my kids to church when I couldn’t. They helped me clean up my house at times. They were such a blessing in desperate times. Plus my TikTok family definitely helped me find my worth too! Sometimes it’s just nice having an acquaintance to talk to! I also am a part of a legal service and I got advice from them too!

What is life like now that you have gotten out of the abusive situation? How has it become better?

I am still going through it being we are living together. [A couple of months ago] he had an emergency hearing to try and kick me out of our home because my boyfriend has been told to stay with me for my protection. He failed to say his girlfriend is living here also so the motion was denied. So here we are…all one crazy “family” in one house and still plenty of verbal abuse going on which our partners are witnessing, the children are witnessing, and specifically my two teens who homeschool. [But] it is much better due to the other significant others’ present. Nowhere near as bad as it was. We have good and bad days.

What else would you like to say to any women reading your story who are currently experiencing domestic abuse?

Seek help from your local shelter houses. Open up to someone who can help you or find help for you. Even when I was scared, I did it and it was the best feeling to know that someone knew. If you’re scared to get help, finding someone who will find the resources you need to leave REALLY helped me out! You are worth so much more then to be stuck in an environment that is abusive. You deserve to smile! You deserve to be loved! You deserve the world and the best! I know women go through this on a daily basis like me and I just want you to know, I don’t know you, but I am praying for you!