Becca's Story

Becca, 25, Maine, mom of 1.

Can you describe who your abuser was and how the abuse began?

My abuser was my high school sweetheart. The abuse began as soon as we started dating.

Please share more about your situation, if you are comfortable.

We started dating February 18, 2012. He lived right up the road from me as we took the same bus and went to the same school. Everyone knew him as the "bad boy" but clearly that did not stop me. We would hangout after school for a few hours. Once things got serious, I spent every waking moment with him. I could not be away from him.

He was … verbally and mentally abusive. Once summer came and we were not in school, I literally slept at his house whenever I could. It was clear to me that his family was not well. His mom was strung out, siblings were all over the place. Very defiant. So I almost felt like that was my place to step in. A few days before my 16th birthday, we heard a knock at the door and it ended up being a raid on his house. The DEA, the ATF, all the towns across Maine police were there. A cop ended up throwing me to the ground with a gun to my head. My boyfriend was arrested for aggravated assault, drug trafficking, gun possession. It was a nightmare. He committed himself to (a juvenile facility) for a year and a few months, so he was released when he was 18.

He came out a different person. I was scared. He started using xanax and coke every single day. He abused me for 5 years. Verbally, mentally and emotionally. My parents hated him. My new puppy even hated him. He punched holes in my walls. Broke 3 phones and 3 TVs that i had to pay for every time. Popped tires on my car. Put a gun to my head more times than I could ever count. Took all my social media away because I was "cheating". Called me fat, a bitch, a cunt, all the names under the sun.

I hated waking up everyday. I hated him so much that I refused sex and somehow he would con me into it, that’s almost rape. Or is it rape? I didn’t want it. I gave in. Every. Single. Day. He hurt me so bad. He choked me once.

But I still stayed. He would apologize by buying me stuff, or taking me out to dinner. One time, he left me stranded and I had to use Goodwills phone for help. Then he conned me into him bringing me back to work. Then picked me up and left me again, then picked me back up as he held a gun to my head telling me to lose the attitude after he smashed my phone.

It was the same shit every single day for 5 years. I did not know that was not love. That was my first real relationship. The breaking point was after we got a house from a co-worker, two weeks into being there, my family invited us on a 2 day vacation to New York City. He knew I wanted to go. He knew I was going. I reminded him three days prior. He was ok then. But then went it came to the night before, he unleashed. He let it all out. He broke all my stuff. Had me pinned against the wall. Called me all the names. I am grateful that he did not beat me to a pulp, but it still hurt. He told me to move out. I accepted this answer and thought it was my time to go. So I called my mom and told her to come get me. I moved all my stuff in an hour. I was grateful to be gone, but of course, I still missed him somehow. I did not know until like, a year ago, that this was truly domestic violence and I am a survivor.

What is life like now that you have gotten out of the abusive situation? How has it become better?

It has not become better. I still struggle every day to keep a relationship. I have a lot of triggers. But I am trying. It has been five years and I feel like no amount of time will heal the wounds he caused.

What else would you like to say to any women reading your story who are currently experiencing domestic abuse?

Please get out. Abuse of any kind is not love.